What You WISH You Could Say To That Nosey Aunty!

You may find yourself cornered in a social gathering such as a wedding, engagement or birthday party (which you didn’t want to go to for this very reason!) and being forced to partake in an uncomfortable inquisition in which your life choices, biological clock and even sanity come under fire.

Oh sister if only you could say what you really wanted to say in this situation!

Here’s how it might go..

Salams where have you been? Long time! (And still she’s not married)

Walaikum asalaam I’m fine thank you, yes it’s been ages (Go on, I know you’re going to ask nosy cow)

So everything’s is going well with you? (Can I ask yet?)

Yeah fine thank you I just got promoted and moved into my own place (Ha in your face! Make your move, I dare you)

Oh wow! (As in wow I can’t believe you are still not married)

Awkward pause

So…still not married then? (Let me add the pity face to show how genuinely sorry I feel for her, poor thing)

Nope I am not (Shit! Why I am doing the pity face back?? I’m not sorry)

You are looking though? (Lazy cow thinks it will just happen naturally at her age)

Sort of (Actually that’s all I’m doing these days because I really want to settle down but I don’t want to tell you that because I don’t know you well enough to share my pain with you. You are just looking for gossip)

What do you mean? Have you not met anyone? (I bet she she says no to all of them like she has a choice or something)

A few people (Yes last week I went on a date with a guy who used a fake picture online, the week before that I met up with a blind date who asked me upfront for sex oh and last month I had my heartbroken by a guy who said he wanted to get married then just disappeared after 3 months of wasting my time. Again. The guys I like don’t like me and the rest of them are just players looking for fling. Sometimes I lay awake at night wondering whether I am destined to be alone forever.)

Time’s running out you know (I’d better remind her that there’s a deadline)

I know (Why am I agreeing with her? Why can’t I just be strong! Bloody hell I closed a £30k deal last week and now I’m simpering before a nosy relative! Why am I always made to feel like it’s MY fault?)

I know a nice guy, he’s my neighbour’s, brother’s, cousin’s friend, he’s a bit older than you , he’s 61 (We also suspect he’s gay  but you’re in no position to say no)

Thank you that’s sweet of you to think of me (Remind me to think of you next time I feel crap about myself)

Don’t worry you will find a husband soon (at her age??)

If it happens it happens ( I don’t want to give you the satisfaction of thinking you’ve hit a sore spot with me)

What?? Don’t you mean in sha Allah. (Astaghfirullah this wanton girl! It’s as if she enjoys being single!)

Oh yeah sorry (#notsorry)

In this day and age where we are starting to learn that it is not acceptable to ask a married woman why she doesn't have children, surely we must also begin to understand that it is not appropriate to ask a single woman why she is not married.

Just because you are single does not mean that your love life is open to public discussion the same way being without children does not open up a woman’s sex life to general scrutiny.

Dear ummah (and I mean specifically the female amongst you) next time you meet a single Muslim woman do not ask her how her search is going, do not ask her whether she’s met anyone recently and most of all do not ask her when she is getting married because she , more than anyone, would love to know the answer to that.

Who are the people you avoid for this very reason sister? Email me at sorayasinglescoach@hotmail.com