Why does it always seem to happen to me? I have so much to offer, I am intelligent, charming, beautiful and interesting. But he's not interested. What is so bad about me? What am I doing wrong? Why can’t anyone see my good qualities? Why does nobody want me?
It's a sickening feeling, it can keep you awake in the early hours of the morning tossing and turning wondering whether you will ever get married, whether someone will ever say yes to you and see what a wonderful woman you are.
Sadly you cannot stop rejection from happening, it's kind of part and parcel of the spouse-searching process but you can soften the blow when it happens.
So here are 5 top tips to help you do just that:
1. Look to lessons from the past
We all know that if someone or something is meant for us it will be and that Allah knows best what is good for us. So look back over times where something you wanted turned out to be wrong for you and use those examples to reaffirm your belief that this new rejection has happened for the best. Also look back on those moments of rejection where you felt you'd never meet another guy like him. But you did didn't you?
2. Learn to detach yourself from the outcome
When we meet a guy it's not just a guy we are meeting but the key to our dreams of marriage. That's why when things don't go as planned it can feel like the end of your hopes for everything that could have been with that particular guy. The key is to stay mindful and in the moment when you meet someone new. Get to know the person rather than the wedding, marriage and married life he could potentially give you. That way if things don't quite go right it is more a case of the loss of an interesting person from your phone contact list, rather than all the hope you had invested in him.
3. Avoid seeing the rejection as a reflection on you as a person
Just because he didn't see your great qualities or wanted to marry you for them doesn't mean others won't. We are not to everyone's taste because we have different tastes. I bet you can name 3 perfectly lovely guys you have said no to in the past and it was OK. It didn't mean you didn't appreciate their good points, they were just not for you. Sadly the movies lie to us when they present the heroine who fends off the advances of all to chose just one. In the case of looking for a spouse you need to think a little more practically.
Yes it sucks if the guy you thought was a perfect match didn't feel the same way. But it doesn't mean you are not worth the kind of guy you are looking for. It just means that particular guy wasn't for you.
4. Allow yourself time to recover
The worst thing you can do when suffering from the hurt of rejection is to get right back on the horse. It may feel like the strong Beyonce independent woman thing to do but really it's like running on a broken ankle!
Let yourself heal, feel good about yourself again, look after yourself and only get back out there when you are ready otherwise your search will be fruitless. Nothing is more important than your well being and happiness and married or single we are each responsible for ensuring our own. Mr. Right will not escape you or pass you by if you take some time out for yourself first.
5. Learn and grow from it
Every time things go wrong see it as a learning experience rather than a new stick to beat yourself with. What might you do differently next time? What will you be on the lookout for? What do you now know is a total no no for you?
Do it without blaming yourself, do it objectively and look the future and how your new-found wisdom will serve you better next time. You can either grow from it or let it destroy you. If you let it destroy you, you are only hurting yourself.
It may feel like the end of the world each time it happens but each time it happens you will bounce back again because your goal is marriage, companionship and happiness and you can find that with any number of the single Muslim guys out there. He wasn't interested? It's OK. There IS someone out there who has been kept for you and if you need to meet a few frogs along a the way it's OK too.