Why does it always seem to happen to me? I have so much to offer, I am intelligent, charming, beautiful and interesting. But he's not interested. What is so bad about me? What am I doing wrong? Why can’t anyone see my good qualities? Why does nobody want me?
It's a sickening feeling, it can keep you awake in the early hours of the morning tossing and turning wondering whether you will ever get married, whether someone will ever say yes to you and see what a wonderful woman you are.
Sadly we cannot stop rejection from happening it's kind of part and parcel of the spouse searching process but we can soften the blow when it happens.
So here are 5 top tips to help you do just that:
1. Look to lessons from the last
We all know that if someone or something is meant for us it will be and that Allah knows best what is good for us. So look back over times where something you wanted turned out to be wrong for you and use those examples to reaffirm your belief that this new rejection has happened for the best. Also look back on those moments of rejection where you felt you'd never meet another guy like him. But you did didn't you?
2. Learn to detach yourself from the outcome
When we meet a guy it;s not just a guy we are meeting but the key to our dreams of marriage. That's why when things don't go as planned it can feel like the end of the world. Think about it as simply the loss of an interesting person from your phone contact list, nothing else.
3. Avoid seeing the rejection as a reflection on you as a person
Just because he didn't see your great qualities or wanted to marry you for them doesn't mean others won't. We are not to everyone's taste because we have different tastes. I bet you can name 3 perfectly lovely guys you have said no to in the past and it was OK. It didn't mean you didn't appreciate their good points, they were just not for you.
4. Allow yourself time to recover
The worst thing you can do when suffering from the hurt of rejection is to get right back on the horse. It may feel like the strong Beyonce independent woman thing to do but really it's like running on a broken ankle! Let yourself heal, feel good about yourself again, look after yourself and only get back out there when you are ready otherwise your search will be fruitless
5. Learn and grow from it
Every time things go wrong it's a learning experience. What might you do differently next time? What will you be on the lookout for? What do you now know is a total no no for you?
Do it without blaming yourself, do it objectively and look the future and how your new found wisdom will serve you better next time.
It may feel like the end of the world each time it happens but each time it happens you will bounce back again because your goal is marriage, companionship and happiness and you can find that with any number of the thousands of single Muslim guys out there. He didn't want you? His loss!